Prelude

I'm not even sure if this is where this regurgitation of my brain belongs, but here goes.

its seems lately that things are changing.

or i am changing

cant really tell which.

its kinda like how when u look up into the sky u think the clouds are moving away from you, when in fact, you are moving away from them.

i haven't figured out my place on this earth yet

and im kinda not looking forward to finding my niche. I mean, having the world as your oyster can be kinda overwhelming, but i appreciate the possibilities

on the surface, im really not looking forward to this summer.

it scares me. too much new responsibilities, too little familiar places. much to unknown.

i think my problem is that i wish i could just stay.

no change. just stay comfortably in my little bubble. enjoying my freedom at college, comfortably falling asleep every night in the arms of the easy love.

but this summer takes all of my comfort away from me. i don't even have my weekly bible study to keep me sane.

the success of my relationships, with friends, family, Mark and God are completely up to me now, not circumstance or convenience.

it just screams "change" to me.

like there's no way for me to maintain the life I'd grown accustom to over the last months.

Sheridan calls it breaking the addiction

if that's really the case, then I'm not looking forward to detoxing...

but, in the end, what will be, will be and not grabbing this bull by the horns will def. be seen as a major mistake when i look back over this summer in the fall.

So, for the sake of that bull, I'll stop bitching and deal with this change and do the best i can without what I think i need.

We. Shall. See