Track 8: Flaws and All

not quite sure how organized this blog will turn out to be. You've been Warned.


I feel like I've been dealing with a lot lately.

For starters, my finances have be in the hole as of the pass couple of weeks, or months, I can't quite remember. I do know, however, that I've become terribly used to paying for things in quarters.

It just really hasn't been working out for me.

This lack of money has really affected how i view myself and my level of productivity this summer. Quite frankly, taking physics is costing me a lot of money. Not because the class is expensive, but because it takes up so much of my time that i cant work as much as I would like. which means I have to take jobs that are willing to work around that schedule, which are the lesser paying jobs.

But I guess I can't complain. Like I've previously blogged, this is the best of summers I could possibly plan and just because I don't have all the money in the world doesn't mean I can't be happy.


In other news, I believe I've been sabotaging my own health. I've been eating recklessly and not working out. I'm sure my health doesn't have much leeway for binging and that I'm a weekend of gorging away from diabetes or high blood pressure, or some other stigmatized fat people disease. Hopefully, I do something about it soon. It just is so discouraging. For the most part I'm happy, or at least content, with the way I look. But there are other times when I'm disgusted with the sight of myself naked. Like I seriously don't understand how Mark continues to have sex with this body. Luckily, such a sentiment isn't terribly common. It is frequently enough to make me gorge. Just kinda get stuck in the idea that I'll never be any thinner than I am right now.

I've made so many excuses for why I cant work out, or wont stop eating pizza. its just easier to use food as my weed.....

Don't be confused, I haven't gained a significant amount of weight. Just enough not not be able to take a decent picture.

I know I need to do something about this, cuz its not gonna just go away on its own.

Currently watching Madea's Family Reunion. I like this one, cuz its about love. I can't watch the other one, Diary of a Mad Black Women, cuz the cheating thing hits too close to home.
I guess this one should hit a little close to home since it has a lil molestation in it and some crazy family issues. Idk why, I find this one to be sweet. Maybe its the love. Its so strong in this movie.

Status update: Mark and I are great as far as I can tell.

Gotta go now, its that deep ass scene with Maya Angelou and the other old women spitting some wisdom to everybody at the reunion.

Adios!
#Prayforme